In humble prayer, I approach this blog post despite my own fears. I fear offending people, saying the wrong things, and challenging my own opinions. But in trust and obedience to God, my love, here it goes.
Homosexuality can be a sin, but so can heterosexuality. Neither is inherently sinful. Sin does not come from our actions but in our intentions behind our actions. Allow me to explain through experience:
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Much to my surprise, I fell in love my best friend, a woman.
The night right after I told her, I remember lying in bed thinking how I did not even mind that she could not reciprocate the feelings. What a different kind of love this was for me, something truly unconditional. I thought, “This is the healthiest love I’ve ever felt.” But before the thought had a chance to settle, I grabbed it and tried to smother it. I lay awake for hours, disgusted that I could call these feelings healthy. I was confused my disgust because I always supported the LGBT community. If it wasn’t wrong for them, why did I think it was wrong for me?
We went to yoga as usual the following morning and I felt nauseous the whole time. I was so ashamed of my attraction to her. I avoided making eye contact. I felt naked. I longed to disappear.
I went home to shower and thought, “God, it would be so much easier if I was just dead and did not have to deal with these feelings.” God scolded me with hot water and slapped it in my face. He washed me, purified me, and quenched my thirst. When I turned off the shower, the noise of my mind was silenced and all was quiet. I stepped out of the tub and vowed never to turn back to that place.
I allowed myself explore why I thought this love was healthy. I processed it they best way I knew how—writing. I wrote this:
“In the past, my physical attractions to men have been greedy and lustful. It was not about love. Now, I see it less as something that I want to receive and more of something I want to give… I want to show her that I trust her with all of myself, the good and the bad, the physical and the spiritual, the past and the future.”
I could not define my love for her as sin. The devil does not have dominion over love.
About a month after I told my best friend I had feelings for her, God sent me to a Bible Camp for a week of scripture reading with other college students. It certainly was not my idea. I thought I was far too fragile to be trapped in a room with Evangelical Christians reading the Bible that I they used to condemn me. But I trusted God to take care of me.
We read through the first half of the Gospel of Mark. Homosexuality was never specifically mentioned in the scripture. Instead of condemnation, I found a lot of affirmation. As Christ said,
“Whatever goes into a person from the outside cannot defile, since it enters, not the heart but the stomach, and goes out into the sewer… It is what comes out of a person that defiles. For it is from within, from the human heart, that evil intentions come” (Mark 7: 15-20).
Jesus went on to list things that defile including fornication and adultery. I sat by a creek to process this passage. What was God saying about homosexuality? As I watched the water, noticed how clear it was. As I listened to it dance, I realized that God was saying that what makes sexual acts sinful is the evil intentions behind them. The acts are actually made clean by God and beautiful as this water, but we make them murky by bringing our dirty intentions to it.
Although I never physically acted on my attraction to my friend, I could not say that act would have been inherently sinful. I would be sinful if I touched her without her consent or tried to pressure her into becoming physical. Even if she did consent it could become sinful if we used each other for selfish gain. But just as God blesses a married husband and wife when they honor each other through sex, he blesses a committed same-sex relationship when they honor each other through sex.
For me personally, I think it may be easier to avoid the temptation to sin in sex by being in a relationship with a woman. My sexual experienced this with guys has been damaging. I have been manipulated and coerced to do things I already said ‘no’ to. I now assume that guys will leave me if I don’t consent because that has been my experience. I am always very aware of the physical part of the relationship with guys, but with girls I find it easier to focus on the emotional part. With girls I find myself attracted to their whole person and therefore more respectful of their bodies.
Sex can be sinful if it comes from a place of lust. Love that is unconditional, selfless and pure is not sinful. May Christians recognize that same-sex relationships are not any different than opposite-sex relationships; they both face the same temptation for evil and potential for good.
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